The Spell of Autonomy

I remember leaving university and feeling totally unprepared for my next step. All my peers seemed to have confidence and clarity of direction. They had all worked it out by themselves and I had no clue where I was going and felt like the only one.

Now, in my late forties, I know I wasn't.

Culture casts spells.

And there is a particularly powerful spell that we, especially us men, should all be aware of, highlighted to me by the good Tad Hargrave - The Spell of Autonomy.

Back in the day, when we all lived closer to the land and in smaller communities, our culture ran deep, rooted as our brethren trees. We knew what was going on with each other’s lives and souls, because we needed to and we wanted to. After all, time sat around the fire would cultivate such conversations.

We wouldn’t have had to figure out our life purpose by ourselves. It would have been given to us by the elders of the village, people whose gift was their ability to reflect back to us the gifts and talents we uniquely carried. Or we would have received it from the land and our intimate connection with it.

Now, times are different, and we need to figure it out on our own. Worse still, many of us men think we should be able to do this easily on our own; not only figure it out, but actually pursue and achieve our purpose too, without any help. Gun the throttle, point it at the horizon and grit it out.

Welcome to the multi million pound self improvement industry.

In a functioning village, this shouldn’t be the case. But in a divided and individualised modern culture, uprooted from land and soul, this is what we have now normalised. 

So, if you are confused about who you are and what is yours to do with this precious and unique life you have been given, you might, naturally, think there is something wrong with you. 

But it’s not your fault; it’s just the water we swim in these days. 

The lone wolf approach to finding your purpose is a myth.

It's in allowing ourselves to be seen by people who are able reflect back what they really see in us, even when it's hard to hear, that we find out what we carry. And it’s in witnessing other people’s stumbling and fumbling that we learn more about how to navigate our our own.

I have a workshop coming up for men in mid-life who no longer wish to be defined by their job, or by their role, but struggle to recognise who they are beyond it.

We are breaking spells.

I’d love to see you there if this resonates.

Free, one hour, on Zoom.

23rd Sept - 6-7pm

30th Sept - 7.30-8.30pm.

Follow the link to register or find out more.