Don’t Summon Your Courage

Here is a poem that found me this week and one that speaks directly to the harbour and the open sea.

If I Wanted A Boat - Mary Oliver

I would want a boat, if I wanted a
boat, that bounded hard on the waves,
that didn’t know starboard from port
and wouldn’t learn, that welcomed
dolphins and headed straight for the
whales, that, when rocks were close,
would slide in for a touch or two,
that wouldn’t keep land in sight and
went fast, that leaped into the spray.
What kind of life is it always to plan
and do, to promise and finish, to wish
for the near and the safe? Yes, by the
heavens, if I wanted a boat I would want
a boat that I couldn’t steer.

Something in this poem speaks to me about courage and someone in a recent workshop I was running asked a question: ‘why is courage so difficult?’ And it’s really got me thinking about how courage shows up, or doesn’t, in my life.

I’ve often thought I need to muscle courage into being. It’s a quality I highly value and one that is celebrated in the different paths I’ve taken in life, particularly the army and coaching.

Courage is difficult for a reason. Where there is courage, there is fear. And where there is fear, there is love.

Something is at stake, something matters. That’s why courage is required and that’s why it’s meaningful when it arrives.

When we are stuck in the harbour we often think the safest option is to stay where we are. But the known can be a stealthy poison and the slow drip of complacency quietly erodes our deeper longings.

There is a risk in moving. And there is a risk in staying. But courage only lives in one of these, as do your longings.

Although it doesn’t promise we will get what we want, courage does remind us there is something worth wanting.

Summoning our courage in times of urgency may be what we need to do.

However, after we’ve been circling a decision of the heart for a long time, my experience tells me that courage rarely wants to be summoned. I think it would rather be recognised.

Many are the times I’ve beaten myself up for not finding courage and that hasn’t helped me, whatsoever, to find more courage.

In assuming it’s out of reach, I overlooked it. In comparing myself to others, I judged it.

So, I wonder what might be an easier step for us all? Kindness?

Maybe what we need is a softening rather than a summoning? And perhaps that softening is its own form of courage - to really allow ourselves to be impacted by our regrets, fears and disappointments.

To feel the truth we have been avoiding, before we feel the need to do anything.

It takes heart and your heart can take it. It always can. It’s the mind that’s the slippery one.

It’s taken courage over the years for me to write these pieces. I have feared rejection. And I’ve learned that courage rarely travels alone. It prefers to be accompanied by other qualities:

Clarity on what matters.

Care for what matters.

Curiosity for what could be.

Compassion for what is difficult.

Courage is found nestled within the warm embrace of this collective.

With these I know I can withstand the rejection and so within this embrace courage rises to be in service of what truly matters. Left to its own devices it hides or simply runs out of steam.

So as you stand at whatever threshold you’re facing right now, whether it be large or small, I’d be very curious as to whether this might help you, as it has for me.

Don’t summon your courage. Be kind enough to notice how it awakens in the company of other qualities that belong to you.